Szn 2. Ep 10/ Grief During the Holidays
Navigating Grief with Heart: A Therapist's Compassionate Guide for the Holidays
By: Alexandria Gohla, MSW, LCSW, Ed.S
The holiday season is often depicted as a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. However, for individuals grappling with grief or loss, this time of year can be particularly challenging. As a mental health therapist, I understand the importance of acknowledging and addressing the unique struggles people face during the holidays. In this blog post, let's delve into some tips to help you or your loved ones navigate the complexities of grief during this festive season. Whether you're experiencing loss or supporting someone who is, these insights may offer guidance in finding moments of solace and understanding amidst the holiday hustle and bustle.
**Acknowledging and Navigating Grief:**
Give yourself the freedom to acknowledge and express your emotions; grief is a personal journey with no prescribed path. Whether it's sadness, anger, or moments of joy in recalling cherished memories, allow yourself the space to feel. Picture this – you have the green light to experience whatever emotions come your way. Grieving is akin to riding a rollercoaster without a rulebook; there's no right or wrong way to navigate it.
Understanding the nature of grief becomes crucial; it's not about complete recovery but growing around it. The concept of "growing around grief," introduced by grief counselor Lois Tonkin, offers valuable insights. Tonkin's model emerged from a conversation with a client who had lost a child. Initially, grief consumed every aspect of her life, depicted by shading in a circle that represented her existence.
Contrary to the expectation that grief would diminish over time, the circle representing grief remained constant. What changed was her life growing around it. At times, the intensity of grief mirrored the initial stages of loss, yet there were moments when she lived outside the grief circle. This model doesn't promise that grief will fade with time; you won't simply "get over it." Instead, it acknowledges that there will be days when grief is as potent as in the beginning, balanced by days when you can focus on other aspects of life.
This perspective challenges the notion of disloyalty to the departed, emphasizing that you can grieve while still carrying on with life. The "growing around grief" model illustrates the possibility of cultivating a new life that encompasses the loss. If you find yourself overwhelmed by grief, remember that support is available. At Bluebird Counseling Services, we are here to help you navigate the intricate journey of grief and healing.
**Navigating Realistic Expectations and Grief During the Holidays:**
Acknowledging that the holiday season may take on a different hue after experiencing loss is not only crucial but a necessary step in the journey of grief. Adjusting expectations and traditions to align with your current emotional state becomes an act of self-compassion and a healthy acknowledgment of your reality. In the face of grief, setting realistic expectations can serve as a balm, alleviating the pressure that often accompanies holiday celebrations and reducing the potential for disappointment.
Let's delve into those holiday expectations—recognizing that adjustments may be needed is not just acceptable but an essential part of the healing process post-loss. Admitting that things won't be the same allows us to grant ourselves grace, make subtle tweaks to traditions, and create space for the myriad emotions that grief brings. It's entirely acceptable if the holiday season doesn't unfold perfectly; what matters most is aligning with what feels right for you amid the complex landscape of grief, not conforming to societal expectations.
Consider the wisdom shared by the American Psychological Association: the notion of a "perfect" holiday is a myth. Embracing realistic expectations becomes a powerful tool, allowing missteps to transform into opportunities for flexibility and resilience. A lopsided tree or a culinary mishap, far from ruining the holiday, can become a cherished family memory. If financial constraints loom over gift-giving, discussing realistic expectations with loved ones and emphasizing the true meaning of the holidays can help manage the stress associated with these situations.
It's crucial to recognize that while numerous tips exist to alleviate holiday stress, attempting to implement them all may paradoxically lead to more stress. Setting and maintaining realistic expectations serves as an effective stress prevention strategy, offering a pathway not only during the holidays but in the daily rhythm of life. Instilling the value of realistic expectations in children and teens becomes a formative life skill, especially when navigating the complexities of grief.
Addressing concerns that realistic expectations stifle dreams is equally important. It's crucial to understand that lofty goals are not incompatible with realism. In the midst of grief, one can still aspire to significant outcomes while simultaneously acknowledging that not every expectation may be met. This nuanced approach honors the complexity of grief and empowers individuals to navigate the holiday season with authenticity and resilience.
**Creating Meaningful Traditions to Honor Your Loved One:**
Consider integrating new rituals or traditions to commemorate the memory of your loved one during the holidays. This might involve simple gestures like lighting a candle, putting together a memory scrapbook, or preparing a cherished dish they loved. Engaging in activities that celebrate their life can serve as a meaningful way to navigate grief during the holiday season.
The idea of establishing new traditions might initially feel unfamiliar, but trust me, it can be a game-changer. Whether it's lighting a candle, embarking on a memory scrapbook project, or cooking a favorite dish, these activities not only pay tribute to your loved one's memory but also infuse a touch of joy into your holiday routine.
Crucially, when you decide on these new traditions, ensure they bring you joy and align with your values. Whether it's a cozy movie night, a special meal, or a holiday-themed craft, these traditions have the power to create meaningful moments and serve as poignant reminders of loved ones who are no longer physically present.
**Seeking Support During Grief:**
Don't hesitate to rely on your support network during challenging times. Whether it's friends, family, or a grief support group, sharing your feelings with those who understand can offer comfort and validation. And if the need arises, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for a discussion in a safe and supportive space.
Tap into your squad—friends, family, or a grief support group—because sharing your feelings with those who empathize can be a tremendous comfort. Should you feel the need to talk to a professional, don't hesitate to connect with a mental health professional who is there to assist you in a safe and supportive environment.
For guidance on finding grief and loss support, consider these steps:
Local Mental Health Organizations:
Reach out to local mental health organizations, counseling centers, or community health clinics in Naperville. They often have resources or can provide recommendations for grief support groups or individual therapy.
Hospice and Palliative Care Services:
Contact local hospice and palliative care services, as they may offer grief support services or direct you to organizations specializing in grief counseling.
Hospitals and Medical Centers:
Check with hospitals and medical centers for grief support services or referrals to local resources. The counseling or social work departments may have valuable information.
Religious or Spiritual Organizations:
Reach out to churches, synagogues, mosques, or other religious organizations offering grief support services. Contact religious leaders or inquire with the pastoral care department.
Online Directories:
Utilize online directories like Psychology Today or TherapyRoute to find therapists specializing in grief counseling in the Naperville area.
Local Community Centers:
Inquire with the Naperville Park District or local community centers about available grief support services, as they often host support groups and workshops.
Support Groups:
Seek local grief support groups facilitated by mental health professionals. Platforms like GriefShare offer searchable databases to find support groups in your area.
Ask for Recommendations:
Seek recommendations from friends, family, or colleagues with experience in grief support services in Naperville, as personal recommendations can offer valuable insights.
Therapist Directories:
Explore therapist directories specific to the Naperville area, such as those provided by the Illinois Counseling Association, for resources to find a grief counselor.
Contact Your Insurance Provider:
If you have health insurance, inquire about mental health services covered in the Naperville area. Contact your insurance provider for a list of in-network providers.
Remember, it's okay to explore different options and find a support system that feels right for you. Grief is a personal journey, and seeking professional help or joining a support group can provide valuable assistance during difficult times.
**Prioritizing Self-Care During the Holidays, Especially While Grieving:**
Taking care of yourself physically and emotionally is crucial, especially during the holiday season when stress levels can escalate, and for those grieving, emotions can be particularly challenging. By incorporating intentional self-care practices into your routine, you can not only manage stress but also navigate the complexities of grief during this festive time.
Here are some self-care tips tailored for the holidays, with a specific focus on those dealing with grief:
Prioritize Sleep:
Ensure you get enough rest by sticking to a regular sleep schedule and creating a relaxing bedtime routine. Lack of sleep can contribute to stress, which can be particularly taxing while grieving.
Practice Mindfulness:
Incorporate mindfulness practices, such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or mindful walks, into your day to reduce stress and enhance your overall well-being. These practices can also provide moments of solace amidst grief.
Set Boundaries:
Learn to say no and set boundaries to protect your time and energy. Grieving individuals may feel added pressure during the holidays, so it's crucial to limit commitments and prioritize self-care.
Stay Active:
Engage in physical activity, even if it's just a short walk or a quick home workout. Exercise is a powerful stress reliever and can contribute to managing the emotional toll of grief.
Healthy Eating:
Maintain a balanced diet amid tempting holiday treats. Nutritious meals positively impact energy levels and overall well-being, which is especially important for those navigating grief.
Connect with Loved Ones:
Spend quality time with supportive family and friends who understand and acknowledge your grief. Social connections can provide comfort and a sense of belonging during difficult times.
Schedule "Me Time":
Block out time on your calendar for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it's reading, taking a bubble bath, or engaging in a hobby. Grieving individuals should prioritize moments of self-reflection and healing.
Express Gratitude:
Reflect daily on what you're grateful for, recognizing both the challenges and moments of solace that come with grief. Shifting your mindset can contribute to increased feelings of contentment.
Delegate Tasks:
Don't hesitate to delegate tasks or ask for help. Sharing responsibilities with others can alleviate pressures associated with holiday preparations, providing breathing room for those grappling with grief.
Limit Screen Time:
Reduce time spent on electronic devices, especially on social media, to avoid potential triggers and comparisons that may exacerbate the grieving process. Focus on being present in the moment and nurturing your emotional well-being.
Remember, self-care while grieving is a unique and personal journey. It's crucial to prioritize activities that resonate with you and provide the support needed during this challenging time. By incorporating these self-care practices into your holiday routine, you can navigate grief with greater resilience and foster a sense of well-being during the festive season.
**Expressing Needs and Embracing Flexibility:**
Communication is key when navigating grief during the holidays. Express your needs clearly to those around you—whether it's a desire for quiet time, a listening ear, or assistance with holiday preparations. People genuinely want to offer support but may not know how to do so effectively. By openly communicating your needs, you foster understanding and empathy, allowing others to provide the help you require.
Consider this as a gentle reminder: let the people in your life know what you need. Whether it's a moment of tranquility, a friend to lend an ear, or a helping hand with holiday preparations, sometimes a simple nudge in the right direction is all that's needed to activate the support around you.
Simultaneously, embrace flexibility in your plans and expectations. Grief doesn't adhere to a set timeline, and emotions can be unpredictable. Introduce flexibility into your approach, allowing yourself the freedom to adapt plans as needed. Prioritize your emotional well-being above rigid expectations. Plans and grief may not always align seamlessly, so by going with the flow and prioritizing what feels right for you, you create space for emotional healing during the holiday season.
As we traverse the intricacies of grief amid the festive season, recognizing the unique challenges for those grappling with loss becomes paramount. As a mental health therapist, my goal has been to provide a compassionate guide, offering insights to help individuals and their loved ones find solace during this period often characterized by joy and togetherness.
Acknowledging and navigating grief involves granting the freedom to feel emotions and understanding that recovery is not about erasing pain but creating a new life that encompasses the loss. The holiday season demands a nuanced approach, necessitating the adjustment of expectations and traditions as an act of self-compassion. Embracing realistic expectations and fostering flexibility empower individuals to navigate the holidays authentically, while creating meaningful traditions to honor loved ones infuses moments of joy into the season. Seeking support, prioritizing self-care, expressing needs, and embracing flexibility are keys to effective communication during grief. In this season of both celebration and remembrance, support is available at Bluebird Counseling Services to assist in navigating the intricate journey of grief and healing, offering comfort, understanding, and empowerment.
