SZN 2. Ep. 3/ College Student Mental Health
College Student Mental Health
10 Dos and Don’ts for Supporting your College Student as they transition to college
By: Dr. Jennifer Contarino Panning
Going away to college is a huge transition for the student as well as their parents, siblings, and friends—many changes are happening, often accompanied by excitement, anxiety, worry, and stress. Hours of shopping for dorm items are complete, check-lists have been finalized, the car is packed and away your student goes!
However, as a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who has worked with undergraduate and graduate students for many years, often the reality is that the transition can be a struggle and oftentimes mental health issues can emerge during these years.
Here are my top 10 strategies of things to do and not do during this transition:
DO talk to your child about this transition before leaving to check in with them about how they are feeling, normalize that they may have a multitude of feelings about this transition, and the importance of reaching out for support. In the midst of preparation for getting ready to leave for college, emotional preparation is often overlooked.
DON’T say things like “These will be the best years of your life!” and “Enjoy every minute!” As parents, we can romanticize college years as fun and freedom before entering ‘the real world’, especially if we had a wonderful college experience. While these statements are well- intentioned, the impact can be increased pressure and confusion if the student is in fact not enjoying every minute or understanding the hype of these so-called wonderful college years.
DO open up lines of communication with your child before they leave, offering your support if they want it and that you are here for them during this time. If they need support during those first few weeks or months, ask them if they just need to vent/talk or if they want feedback or suggestions from you.
DON’T burden your child with discussing in depth your feelings about them being gone—feeling sad, lonely, and missing them is a very normal experience for parents; however, talking with friends, your spouse, or a therapist is important so your child can focus on this big transition without worrying about how their parents are coping.
DO encourage your child to connect with others! Orientation, freshman activities, and beginning of the school year events are in place to help students meet one another and start socializing. For students who are more introverted or shy, this can be overwhelming and challenging, but focusing on meeting one person that they can go to the dining hall with or hang out in their room can be vital for smoothing the college transition.
DON’T forget to talk to your child about the importance of the basics—getting enough sleep, eating regular meals, and getting exercise. These may be overlooked, but are fundamental to both physical and mental health.
DO see your role as a parent to shift from a parent to more of a guide, mentor, and coach. Letting go and letting your child figure things out for themselves may be a challenge, but is an important part of helping them increase autonomy and independence.
DON’T contact professors, residential staff, or other university staff on your own accord if you are upset with something…instead, first empower your child to handle whatever may be going on (difficulties with a class, roommate issues, etc) on their own—assertiveness and communication skills, while still newly developing, are key. The exception would be if you are concerned about your child’s safety or well-being.
DO remind your child that resources are available on campus if they are struggling—whether they may need counseling services, tutoring, or academic support, colleges want their students to do well and most have solid supports in place knowing that many students will need these services to do well.
DON’T compare your child’s college experience to your own or their peers. Comparison is often the thief of joy; access to social media which portray college students partying and living their best lives can be demoralizing if your child is struggling with fitting in or not meeting friends. Your child may have a very different college journey than your own or their friends, and that is ok…take the first semester or even the first year to allow for that adjustment.
